The Distance Between a Noun and a Verb

(I had promised Part II of Both Sides Now, speaking to distrust and dysfunction between front-line medical workers and management. Due to the season of Mother’s and Father’s Day, I am substituting this thought. Part II will appear in the July blog.)

We celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Most everybody is included. Some shouldn’t be. There is no honor due. Perhaps our mistake is to celebrate these words as nouns rather than verbs.

Consider Mother.

Have you wondered why this word is so easily taken over by profanity? Unless mothering is a verb, it is a fact, not a truth, a state but not an action. When mother is a verb, it means more than giving birth.

To mother is to care about the welfare of another person as much as one’s own.

To mother is to be centered on empathy and thoughtfulness, noticing and caring.

To mother is the only paradigm in which the strong and the weak are perfectly matched throughout life, connected by love.

Becoming a mother can be accidental or forced. Mothering never is. It must be chosen. And it’s hard work.

Consider Father.

There are countless stories of pain and vacancy when Father is a noun.  It’s a spot. A place. A square block in a family tree. A seat at the dinner table or the couch. Father, as a noun, raises a generation of empty, angry, lonely, and confused people. Father, as a noun, leads us nowhere, hopes nothing for us, and creates no vision for our future.

Father, as a verb, is an action, a commitment, a purpose, and a catalyst that can change the course of history for individuals and society alike. Fathering combines intention, hope, and kindness expressed toward a child.

When the verb's meaning is removed, it becomes a weapon of destruction. That word is fatherlessness. This is an ancient war that has a singular ability to harm the beauty and glory of human dignity of those most vulnerable to this influence.

Fathering is God's highest calling for men, whether or not they have children. As modeled in the parable of the Prodigal Son, all men are called to be fathers. That calling was to turn their hearts toward their children and the world with restorative intention.

What we celebrate is important. During this season of honoring nouns, consider that our homes and cultures would be much better off if the focus were on the verb.

Tim Powell MD